I'm Alive!
It's been a while, hasn't it? I'm not so sure where to begin, but a lot has happened, since my last update. Of course there has. I haven't updated since late April, after all. >.>
So, let's see...
I don't want to start off with a lot of negativity, but I am. So, about 3 1/2 months after losing my grandma, my grandpa followed her. It wasn't like I was expecting it, but it came at a random moment. Mom, my siblings, and I were vacationing in Chicago, and it happened two days after we got back. It didn't really hit me that hard, not like with my grandma, but there were some other factors that still frustrate me. First of all, Dad didn't even bother to go check on him, that week; under the duress that he was doing fine. Second, the hospitals and the nursing home screwed us over. I'm not kidding over this. While the certificate said natural causes, it was because of neglect and malnutrition. And on top of it all, some of his stuff was stolen. Even though the hospital decided to settle with us, to pay off the expenses, I'm not completely satisfied. Not just because I want some justice done, (which will never come, because I know how politics work) but I also can't help but wonder how many other people have had the same thing happen to them.
Next, I'm still having a hell of a time getting my life back together. I almost got a break, last week, but I guess they decided that they didn't want me. Damn. And I thought my luck was starting to change for the better, too. :\ So, I'm still looking, but not having much luck in actually getting a job. Honestly, what kind of special person do they need at a pizza buffet, anyway? >.> However, it's not like I'm just lazing around the house. Since mid-June, I've been volunteering at the library, and I've been having a lot of fun with it. Not only that, but I've gotten nothing but praise for what I do. I'm not one to brag very often, but they seriously love me over there. So, perhaps, someday, they'll hire me on for an actual paid position. One can only hope.
As for my home life, it's still the same but with more stress and less people. My brother's going to school in Oklahoma, and my sister moved in with her boyfriend, last weekend. So, it's been pretty quiet, and there's one person less to make me feel bad about myself. However, things still aren't that great. Mom's been having back problems, and she hasn't been able to do as much. So, I've been doing a lot of housework, to help her out. Dad's the same as always, except even less sober, more douchier, and even manages to make me look competent. Mom feels bad about complaining about how much of a giant dick he's become, but I told her not to. If she's complaining about something that's true, there's no need to feel ashamed of it. Besides, I find bitching about him to be very therapeutic. It's better than bottling it up, and eventually having a yangire moment. There's a possibility that he'll be going to Atlanta, sometime, but I'm not holding my breath. It would be nice, though. Mom and I could both use a much-deserved break from him.
Lately, I've been contemplating more and more about the people in my life. I can't help but wonder what they really think of me; if they even do, that is. I've been going through one of my periods of loneliness, and have been growing cynical about my past relationships. I don't want it to sound like I think they don't care about me, but I sometimes can't help but wonder. I mean, I did a lot for them, back in the day, and I sometimes wonder if they were just capitalizing on my generosity. I'm probably just being paranoid, but still, it would be nice if someone would at least call me. That's not asking too much, is it? I'd call someone, but I recently had to delete a couple of numbers, due to being outdated. Not to mention that there's a voice in the back of my head, saying that I'm just bothering them.
Also, I finally broke things off with my girlfriend. Things were getting too rough on me. She was putting too many weird and crazy ideas into my head; turning me into a hypochondriac. Basically, she was constantly trying to assert herself as the man of the pair, and seemed to be making me feel more like a weak, submissive girl; something that I never wanted to become. Plus, near the end, she said that she wanted to become a better person, but she never wanted to put forth the effort. So, I became more of a baby-sitter than a girlfriend. During A-Fest weekend, I kinda used that to my advantage and got her to break it off. She has no idea what I really did and why, but, frankly, I don't care. Sure, it makes me a manipulative little bitch, but I just couldn't take her bullshit anymore. I don't really care for romance anyhow. I've never been able to properly love anyone, and I probably never will.
Fandom life has been a little quiet, lately. I've picked up a few shows, for the fall, but nothing can compare with T&B. Yeah, after a while, I became a hardcore Tiger&Bunny fan. It had been a while since I had been completely taken with a show, and it managed to keep me entertained from beginning to end. As such, I feel as if I were spoiled by that show, and I can't find another one to fill the void. However, there's talk about a continuation being announced at the Heroes' Award Ceremony event, that's happening on the 13th. Personally, I don't want an actual continuation, but some side-stories from the timeskips. I liked how the series ended, and I don't want anything to un-do the conclusion. So, character focus episodes and silly side-plots sound a lot better. Antonio and Nathan both need their respective episodes, and I especially desire another episode about Yuri.
Well, I think I've said all that I wanted to say, for now. LJ's been going down the fail slope, lately. So, I might be back to blog here a little more, from now on. Until next time!
So, let's see...
I don't want to start off with a lot of negativity, but I am. So, about 3 1/2 months after losing my grandma, my grandpa followed her. It wasn't like I was expecting it, but it came at a random moment. Mom, my siblings, and I were vacationing in Chicago, and it happened two days after we got back. It didn't really hit me that hard, not like with my grandma, but there were some other factors that still frustrate me. First of all, Dad didn't even bother to go check on him, that week; under the duress that he was doing fine. Second, the hospitals and the nursing home screwed us over. I'm not kidding over this. While the certificate said natural causes, it was because of neglect and malnutrition. And on top of it all, some of his stuff was stolen. Even though the hospital decided to settle with us, to pay off the expenses, I'm not completely satisfied. Not just because I want some justice done, (which will never come, because I know how politics work) but I also can't help but wonder how many other people have had the same thing happen to them.
Next, I'm still having a hell of a time getting my life back together. I almost got a break, last week, but I guess they decided that they didn't want me. Damn. And I thought my luck was starting to change for the better, too. :\ So, I'm still looking, but not having much luck in actually getting a job. Honestly, what kind of special person do they need at a pizza buffet, anyway? >.> However, it's not like I'm just lazing around the house. Since mid-June, I've been volunteering at the library, and I've been having a lot of fun with it. Not only that, but I've gotten nothing but praise for what I do. I'm not one to brag very often, but they seriously love me over there. So, perhaps, someday, they'll hire me on for an actual paid position. One can only hope.
As for my home life, it's still the same but with more stress and less people. My brother's going to school in Oklahoma, and my sister moved in with her boyfriend, last weekend. So, it's been pretty quiet, and there's one person less to make me feel bad about myself. However, things still aren't that great. Mom's been having back problems, and she hasn't been able to do as much. So, I've been doing a lot of housework, to help her out. Dad's the same as always, except even less sober, more douchier, and even manages to make me look competent. Mom feels bad about complaining about how much of a giant dick he's become, but I told her not to. If she's complaining about something that's true, there's no need to feel ashamed of it. Besides, I find bitching about him to be very therapeutic. It's better than bottling it up, and eventually having a yangire moment. There's a possibility that he'll be going to Atlanta, sometime, but I'm not holding my breath. It would be nice, though. Mom and I could both use a much-deserved break from him.
Lately, I've been contemplating more and more about the people in my life. I can't help but wonder what they really think of me; if they even do, that is. I've been going through one of my periods of loneliness, and have been growing cynical about my past relationships. I don't want it to sound like I think they don't care about me, but I sometimes can't help but wonder. I mean, I did a lot for them, back in the day, and I sometimes wonder if they were just capitalizing on my generosity. I'm probably just being paranoid, but still, it would be nice if someone would at least call me. That's not asking too much, is it? I'd call someone, but I recently had to delete a couple of numbers, due to being outdated. Not to mention that there's a voice in the back of my head, saying that I'm just bothering them.
Also, I finally broke things off with my girlfriend. Things were getting too rough on me. She was putting too many weird and crazy ideas into my head; turning me into a hypochondriac. Basically, she was constantly trying to assert herself as the man of the pair, and seemed to be making me feel more like a weak, submissive girl; something that I never wanted to become. Plus, near the end, she said that she wanted to become a better person, but she never wanted to put forth the effort. So, I became more of a baby-sitter than a girlfriend. During A-Fest weekend, I kinda used that to my advantage and got her to break it off. She has no idea what I really did and why, but, frankly, I don't care. Sure, it makes me a manipulative little bitch, but I just couldn't take her bullshit anymore. I don't really care for romance anyhow. I've never been able to properly love anyone, and I probably never will.
Fandom life has been a little quiet, lately. I've picked up a few shows, for the fall, but nothing can compare with T&B. Yeah, after a while, I became a hardcore Tiger&Bunny fan. It had been a while since I had been completely taken with a show, and it managed to keep me entertained from beginning to end. As such, I feel as if I were spoiled by that show, and I can't find another one to fill the void. However, there's talk about a continuation being announced at the Heroes' Award Ceremony event, that's happening on the 13th. Personally, I don't want an actual continuation, but some side-stories from the timeskips. I liked how the series ended, and I don't want anything to un-do the conclusion. So, character focus episodes and silly side-plots sound a lot better. Antonio and Nathan both need their respective episodes, and I especially desire another episode about Yuri.
Well, I think I've said all that I wanted to say, for now. LJ's been going down the fail slope, lately. So, I might be back to blog here a little more, from now on. Until next time!
<< Home